…when something goes wrong and our partner says or does something the wrong way.
I’m sure you can remember at least a few of those instances where you felt irritated and said something that jabbed your partner and hurt their feelings… Imagine that you are driving to the airport, your partner has stalled the car, and you just realized that you will miss your flight. You feel frustrated and angry and lash out at your partner: “There, we missed the flight! You are always late! Are you happy now? You know how much money this will cost us?”
Now let’s look at what happened and see what you accomplished by making snarly comments to your partner. You succeeded in making him/her feel bad, wrong, and incompetent! Did that make your relationship a better and happier one? Did it solve your problem? Did you succeed in making sure your partner will never ever repeat that mistake again? What do you think? In all likelihood, you just increased whatever distance there may have been between you two. You’ve just injected a dose of bitter antagonism, resentment, and disappointment into your relationship. Each and every one of such incidents, chips a little bit more away from your relationship, like the wedge-like notch a lumberjack cuts in the trunk of a tree marked for removal from the forest, and coldness will reign from then on…
What if you had taken a deep breath and smiled and told your partner that even though you missed the flight, you would find a way to get to your destination, and even if you failed in doing so, you would have some fun doing something together? What if, when all was said and done and you were both relaxed, you asked your partner, with kindness, what you could do to help him/her get things done on time before a trip or outing, and what you might both do to avoid such angry reactions by either one of you?
The question here is: Do you want to enjoy your life or to walk around self-righteously criticizing the heck out of anyone you see falling short of your expectations? Do you want to co-create a happy life with your partner or do you intend to make it your mission to make them wrong so they feel bad about themselves? The choice is yours…